When you transition from “family member” to “family caregiver,” overwhelm, emotions, and old dynamics can make quality communication that much harder to achieve. Susanne White used to do daily battle with her elderly, unforthcoming parents – until she learned these four essential caregiver communication skills.

When I became a caregiver, I had much to learn about healthy conversations. 

I have always been a big talker. I love to hear myself talk. I love language and communication, and I'm curious about my and others' feelings and emotions. But that's not the case for everyone. 

I grew up in a family where in-depth heart-to-heart, emotional discussions were never easy, if not discouraged. I grew up with a generation of parents who found personal disclosure distasteful and improper. 

My dad avoided tough or awkward topics altogether. When pushed for a response, he never stuck around long enough to satisfy my insatiable need for talking everything through. 

My mom could talk a lot, but we came from such different points of view (or so I thought when I was younger). She loved to argue and have the last word, so any discussion with her was usually a battle. This had been frustrating and deeply upsetting to me throughout my entire life. 

So, imagine my dismay when I signed up to be their caregiver! How could we navigate this journey without having important or meaningful conversations?!

I knew I had to improve my caregiver communication skills and find ways to change how we talked to one another. The following strategies helped me enormously. I'm proud that, in the end, we managed to have quite a few great conversations, which I still cherish to this day. 

4 caregiver communication skills to encourage healthy, positive conversations

1. Try active listening with your loved one(s)

Active listening is one of the most vital communication skills for caregivers (or anyone!). I began concentrating on what my mom and dad were saying instead of impatiently waiting for them to finish. When I allowed my parents the time and space to communicate their emotions, they began to feel heard and respected, which, in turn, made them more relaxed and open to hearing my responses and feelings. 

Choosing active listening also gave me so much new information about who they were and what they were going through. Being a good listener is the crown jewel of great conversation.

2. Keep tabs on your tone of voice

I cannot stress enough how our tone conveys so much more than the words we're saying. Communication dripping in sarcasm or anger - no matter how justified the underlying frustration and anger may be - only serves to set up conversational barriers and incite arguments. If delivered with nasty, negative, or sarcastic tones, the nicest words or phrases will lose meaning and end up as weapons. 

Always be in touch with your mood or feelings - especially before talking to someone who may rock your sense of calm. And remember to listen to yourself as you speak. Are you speaking from an authentic, calm, empathetic place? Your tone of voice should reflect that. 

When I used authentic, loving, and kind tones with my mom, she would consistently react in a happy, calm way even as her dementia progressed. 

Say what you mean and mean what you say - but don't be mean about it! 

3. Read the room 

There were times when my mom or dad weren't feeling well or were having a difficult day. The little energy they had was spent getting through the next 24 hours. 

Being aware and considerate of their feelings helped me decide when it was appropriate to start more energy-consuming conversations. If the air was thick with fatigue or frustration, I shelved these conversations for another time. 

When a big topic weighs on your mind, diving into the discussions then and there can be tempting. But I learned that caving to this temptation served my best interests, not those of my parents. 

As caregivers, our communication skills can hinge on when we choose to say something as much as how we say it. It's okay to allow other people's feelings or activity levels to dictate what gets discussed and when. As caregivers, patience is often key.

4. Pick your battles – would you rather be right or happy? 

I have a terrible habit of needing to be right all the time, and my mom passed this awful trait down to me. Since we share this tendency, we rarely conversed pleasantly. We usually argued. I knew she wouldn't change, so I had to. In the grand scheme of things, how important was it that Mom always insisted that she was right? 

Dementia was stealing parts of my mom, and she was slipping away from me. What difference did it make if I disagreed with her point of view? She was entitled to it, no matter how silly or wrong it appeared to me. Spending quality time together was far more important. Over time, we began to enjoy each other’s company and could have loving, engaging, and valuable conversations. 

Our lives became richer when I decided I wanted us to be happy rather than worried about being right. 

Caregiver communication skills include being respectful, calm, validating, and attentive. When I concentrated on being all of those during every conversation with my parents, the "norm" slowly changed for how we spoke to one another. Arguments were less frequent. Talking to each other could be constructive and enjoyable! We learned lots about each other, made some great decisions, and had fun. 

So, approach your loved ones and conversations with effort and awareness. Life is so much better when we are in harmony with each other! Be aware, choose happiness instead of being right, and listen sincerely to make conversations mutually fulfilling, joyous experiences.

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence, or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen.

NPS-ALL-NP-01272 MAY 2024